Day 10: How Have You Changed in the Past 5 Years?
This is a time capsule of the past 5 years of my life.
I have gathered various pictures and writings from each of these years, and I can see from them with amazing clarity the journey I have taken from an insecure and aimless person, to someone passionate and centered in love and happiness. I feel a great deal of gratitude to all the books and art that have inspired me, teachers that have mentored me, and family that has unconditionally loved me, all of these having helped me to this beautiful point in life.
“July 10, 2012. Day 1 of Camping.
So I’m just very skeptical right now of this “vacation”. My mom keeps saying how we’ll make new friends and all that, but I know we won’t. First of all, I’m bad at making friends. Second, all these kids already know each other. They’re all friends. Why would they need us? I’m not outgoing, nor am I really pretty…Ugh. I just feel like crying.”
“God, how can I be brave? There are so many things falling down around me, and I am too righteous. I am not able to be humble and just ask for the help I truly need. I try to do things all on my own. God, help me get over this pride. When I’m struggling, I often can’t handle it all by myself like I try to. Show me please what path to go down, I want to live my life the way it’s meant to be lived.”
“If there’s one thing I’ve learned from high school, it’s that I should never be afraid to be who I am. When I began as a Freshman, I was completely terrified to be myself, because I didn’t think I would fit the perfect mold. But slowly over the past four years, I’ve noticed that being yourself is what it’s all about. I finally broke away from my comfort zone, took risks, and here I am. Thanks high school, for making me invincible.” -My Senior Farewell Yearbook Note.
“An Open Letter to Myself. October 25, 2015.
Jess, I know sometimes things don’t make sense. I know that some mornings, you wake up and the sun is shining. I also know about those mornings you wake up in pain, and there is no remedy for it. Know this cycle is alright. This is life, and life is not perfect. There will be many more bad days to come. But please know that this doesn’t equate to a bad life or your failure as a happy person.
I’m not pretending to offer solutions to all the issues you struggle with or the burning questions you have, but I am ready to tell you that life does reveal them with time. Life is a day to day journey. Each day is its own world. And what you do and who you are today is not who you will be tomorrow. You always have the opportunity to do things differently, to re-invent your mind.
I hope this letter finds you whenever you need it. -Jess.”
“12:32 AM on January 1, 2016. New Year’s Day.
2016. Hello. I hope you’ll be kind to me. Maybe I’ll travel somewhere beautiful this year, or find a friend that truly sees me. I am going to work on seeing the light in all things, self-awareness, forgiveness, and to overcome the fears that hold me back. It will be a day to day endeavor, but it adds up. Even now, I’m doing things and living with this bravery I never thought was in me.
2015 taught me my endless worth. I went on a life changing vacation to California, got a record player and some books and plants I really love. I spent every waking moment on the comfy couches of my favorite coffee shop, and now know everyone there just a bit too much. I’ve felt deeply loved in 2015, excited for the future, and full of life. This year, I’ll be shooting for an even better version of myself. Humans are not just mere candid snapshots taken of one moment in time, but rather, works in progress. That’s how all the Great artistic masterpieces started off, right?”
Comment below to tell me about something that has helped you along your journey. 🙂